


The First Love

by HelfenundWehren



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: A solo based on my Rp world, But it explores Steve's feelings for Bucky over the years, It's a bit rambly, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-30
Updated: 2019-05-30
Packaged: 2020-03-29 23:24:13
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,618
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19030066
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HelfenundWehren/pseuds/HelfenundWehren
Summary: This is a solo based on my Rp experiences as Steve in the pairing Stucky. This isn't meant to be something earth shattering, just an exploration of Steve and his feelings for Bucky. Things may be a little out of order but I did my best to do 11 years of MCU in less than 3,000 words!





	The First Love

**Author's Note:**

  * For [WinterDraven](https://archiveofourown.org/users/WinterDraven/gifts).



If Steve looked back on it, he could say he’d always been in love with the one and only James Buchanan “Bucky” Barnes. However, he hadn’t always known it. It wouldn’t be until the middle of war that he would realize it with nothing to do about it. There had been signs maybe he should have noticed. Maybe when he was constantly drawing Bucky when he wasn’t looking, or how heartbroken he was when his friend left him to go to a war he may never return from. He hadn’t noticed, though, not until they were making the long walk back to the camp after he rescued all the POWs.

There had been something about that night that had stuck with Steve. Bucky was taking in this new Steve in front of him. Tall, muscular, a light glow to his skin. This was not the same sickly man he’d left behind in New York. He could see the confusion in Bucky’s eyes, the disbelief, and maybe even some anger. Why would that be there? It bothered Steve as they continued on their way to the camp.

“Hey, let’s hear it for Captain America!” Bucky had said as Steve stood face to face with Peggy. Another person he had come to love. He had missed the continued look from Bucky, the one that wasn’t all right, that things weren’t okay. He’d been lost in his own torn feelings of the moment. He had been happy to have done something right, happy to have Bucky back, happy Peggy was there, but torn because he had Bucky, he had Peggy, and he knew eventually he’d have to pick. His heart already told him he’d always pick Bucky, but that wasn’t allowed in that era. Someone was going to end up hurt. So, he spent the rest of the time at war not acting on his feelings and hiding them.

When Bucky had died, Steve had been devastated. All he wanted to do was forget the pain but nothing helped. He couldn’t get drunk and Peggy was there. There was a mission to complete and he’d be damned if he didn’t complete it. He’d do it in Bucky’s honor.

His mission ended with him going into the ice. His two loves the last thing he thought up as he crashed and got knocked out.

When he woke up, they would also be on his mind. He could mourn Bucky, he could be there for Peggy. Steve would live a good life for Bucky’s sake. Except the thought was cut short by the radio. The radio playing a game he had been at. Just where was he?…

This led to his breakout and finding himself nearly 70 years in the future. 

“I had a date.” 

Which was true, he owed Peggy a dance. Was Peggy even still alive? Had the years been kind to her? Would he have to mourn her, too?

Steve was alone. Truly alone.

He spent his days working out, beating a bag to get out his aggression. He’d been so angry upon finding himself in this century. When he’d gone into the water, he hadn’t planned on coming back out. Part of it had been the loss of Bucky. Another part being that coming back would be a low probability. Peggy could have gone on without him.

Steve had learned Peggy was still alive. She was in a senior home, her memory was going, but he visited her while he lived in DC. He had Natasha to thank for him learning about her. It really solidified his friendship with her. She was trying, and so was he. It was while he was living in DC that he met Sam. This man would become his right hand man. Mostly because Steve was always running up on his left.

And then Bucky was back.

He’d felt his heart practically stop when he recognized the Winter Soldier, a famed ghost assassin of legend, was his friend.

“Who the hell is Bucky?” God those words had hurt to hear. Did he not remember? What had happened to him? Steve’s heart reached out for him and he wanted to help Bucky. When hadn’t he?

“You remember me.”

“No I don’t!”

The fighting in the aircraft had been hard. The Winter Soldier had shot him a few times. They’d physically fought, they had two different missions they were trying to accomplish. Steves? To save people and then save Bucky. Bucky’s? To kill him.

To try to get through to him, the captain stopped fighting. “I’m not going to fight you.” And he dropped his shield. Moments later he was pinned by the Winter Soldier, the worlds most dangerous man, and in that moment he looked like a caged animal. He was confused and retaliating. Steve could see that there was so much going on in his head. He was waging a war of completing his mission and following the rabbit through his mind.

Steve hoped beyond hope that Bucky followed that rabbit.

“I’m with you ’til the end of the line.” Steve said as he was going to be hit and he saw it. He saw the flash of recognition in his friend’s eyes. For one fraction of a second, he had Bucky. And then he was falling to the water below. This time he wanted to make it out but wasn’t sure he would. The last thing he remembered was a hand reaching for him and then he was in the hospital.

He was in pain, he remembered what happened, but he got some clarifications from Sam. Steve had been found on the shore and no one was certain how he’d gotten there, but he had known. He was still in the hospital when he told Natasha that he had to find Bucky. Somehow he would help his friend. Bucky would regain his memories come hell or high water.

Over the next few years, Steve would fight but keep looking for Bucky. Eventually, he found out where the man was hiding now. To keep him safe, the captain never once sought him out. Natasha was his eyes and she would give little reports to him every now and again. Bucky had settled in Bucharest. He lived a simple life. He stayed out of sight as much as possible. Steve felt good knowing Bucky was safe.

And then Vienna happened.

Steve knew Bucky hadn’t done it. He was framed and knew it. So he made his way to Bucharest and tried, unsuccessfully, to get Bucky to safety.

Somehow, he would assume it was because he was being watched too, German SWAT and T’Challa showed up. It was a shit show in the city. How could Bucky go so many years of not being found to everyone knowing where he was. Steve would learn in the future how to better cover his tracks thanks to Natasha.

The remainder of the day was a busy one. It was chaotic and damn if there wasn’t a lot of fighting. 

After Bucky had been turned back into the Winter Soldier, Steve wondered if nothing could help him. But he would do everything in his power to help him. He loved Bucky and he was all that was left of a past he was still trying to move on from. Steve wanted to move on from it with Bucky. Hell, even when he found out what Zemo was after, the importance of what he was trying to learn, didn’t stop the love. It made his heart ache for Bucky who remembered this all. There would never be forgetting what he’d done.

It was his love for Bucky that would partially lead to what would happen with Tony. He didn’t want Tony to ever find out about the truth behind his parent’s deaths. Bucky hadn’t been Bucky, it wasn’t his fault. Of course, with how the day was going, Tony found out only hours after Steve did. And more fighting ensued.

Somehow, though, in the midst of everything, once Tony was taken out, they got safe passage to Wakanda under the protection of T’Challa. They were going to find a way to help Bucky’s mind. He would be safe. He would be kept secret. The outside world would know nothing of his presence in the country. Of course, Steve had the same protection, but once Bucky was put back under, he left. It would be better for Bucky’s healing if he allowed the man to heal, and he had some friends to save.

The next two years would pass with Steve on the run. He would make trips to Wakanda to check in on Bucky. He’d spend a week every few months in the country’s capital city. Every time he was there, he was with Bucky. It didn’t matter what they did as long as they were together, and it helped him allow his feelings to fully come to fruition.

It had been Bucky who had set the pace on their relationship.

“Stevie, I want to be the right man for you. Right now, I’m not, but I’m workin’ on it. Keep comin’ by. Someday, I’ll be a man who deserves you.” And Steve had honored that.

According to him, Bucky was already that man, had always been that man, but his friend felt otherwise. So they took it slow. Bucky would share was he was doing, Steve would listen, comment on his own life, keeping some distance between them at first. Eventually, they’d sit side by side, holding hand as they spoke. They even managed one date. But only one. Shuri had decided to follow them and had been caught. Their dinner had ended with Bucky marching her back home, much to Steve’s amusement. They had rescheduled their date to the next visit from Steve. Except that visit would be the last one for 5 years.

Thanos came and snapped after a long battle and he’d watched Bucky disappear before his eyes. How many damn times was he going to lose him? 

It didn’t sink in at first what he’d seen. The following weeks was about finding out who had been lost in the decimation. Tony was MIA, Rocket’s friends were MIA, no one knew about those off planet.

It was in this time he met Carol. He put her on a mission to find Tony, which she did. Their meeting had gone about as well as it could have. It hurt. But as much as Steve wanted to mourn Bucky, and try to fix his friendship with Tony, he couldn’t, he had a job to do. They had to try to reverse what happened. It would take almost a month from the time of the snap before they’d find him. They would find out the stones were destroyed and Thor killed Thanos for it.

The next five years would pass as a blur to Steve. Much of his art now was focused on remembering Bucky. How he smiled, his face when he was concentrating, how peaceful he looked when asleep. Or even that time with the goats that Steve had a picture of. He drew Bucky as a way to mourn. He couldn’t move on. No matter how much he told others to move on, he couldn’t. Which would prove to be good when they finally go their chance to reverse what happened.

When they went back in time, it was with everyone that meant something to Steve. They would do this. They would win. He hadn’t expected to see Peggy and feel that old love he had. But it was more of a longing of what could have been if he’d never gone into the ice. Except, if this worked, he’d have Bucky back. A new start at a new life.

It would work. Bruce’s snap worked. They hadn’t accounted for past Thanos learning about this. It was impossible to account for all of the variables. It ended with the compound destroyed and another fight. And, just as hope seemed lost, Steve heard it. “On your left.” And suddenly portals were opening up and everyone was there. An army fit to take out the Mad Titian. And he saw Bucky. In that moment, Steve felt complete. 

The battle raged on. They played “keep away” with the gauntlet. They were spread through the battlefield, fighting to save the universe. If they lost here there would be nothing left. They’d all be gone. He couldn’t let that happen. Not when everything was finally right.

Steve didn’t hear the snap, he’d been too busy fighting off some of Thanos’ army. As they all disintegrated away, though, he let himself relax and look for Tony. It was always Tony he looked to when they won. But that’s when he noticed what had happened. Tony had snapped and Tony wasn’t going to make it. They’d just gotten to be friends again and this happened.

He moved closer to hear what was going on and felt himself tearing up when a hand landed on his shoulder. He looked to his right where Bucky was. Bucky was looking at Tony and offering a comfort that Steve didn’t think anyone else could give. Especially not in this moment.

Tony’s funeral was a quiet affair. The world would learn about his sacrifice and how great a man Tony Stark truly was. Steve sought comfort from Bucky in the days leading up to the funeral. Hugs, hand holding, telling stories of what had happened in the five years they’d all been gone. His rekindling of friendship with Tony. It made things a little easier.

After the funeral, Steve offered to get the stones back to where they belonged. He hoped to get Natasha back but would fail to do so. He would make an unscheduled stop to have his dance with Peggy and tell her where her timeline’s Steve was and instructions on where Bucky was being held captive. They needed to be saved. They all deserved it. And then he went back to his time to chaos and yelling.

“Steve! Why didn’t you come back when you were called!” Sam demanded and Steve just shrugged.

“I had an extra stop to make.” Was all the explanation he would give. Coming down from the platform, Steve pulled Bucky into a tight hug. Finally, finally they could be together.

The events that had led them to where they ended up had been a lot of ups and downs. A few months after Tony’s funeral found them in a flat in Brooklyn. They were pardoned and allowed to live full lives. Steve retired his title of Captain America and passed it onto Sam. He would be perfect for the job. Steve was done with the hero business. He wanted to live a less exciting life.

He encouraged Bucky to do something he’d be proud of, and that got him being Sam’s partner in fighting crime and Steve couldn’t be happier. Bucky was happy, truly happy. They got to spend many days just the two of them. A big breakfast, runs, lunch, tours around this New York they needed to relearn together, dates, and Steve showing his drawings.

Bucky ragged on him for the drawings, teasing Steve about his “obsession”. It just made his heart swell. He took the teasing with a grain of salt. Half of the time he would just kiss Bucky to shut him up, which would lead to much more kissing. They were happy, though, that’s what mattered. And Steve? Steve was finally getting a life with Bucky that he’d always wanted. His love knew no bounds and he would still do anything to be with Bucky, even if it meant breaking a rule or two again.


End file.
